Unburied Trailers: Hellmaster (1992)

by "Penguin" Pete Trbovich on August 24th, 2018 | , |

Welcome to our continued series: “Unburied” ! Each week, we’re going to select one forgotten oddball horror movie trailer from way back and dig it up so you can play with the bones. And just look what crawled out of the crypt this week – It’s a mad scientist thriller we’re covering as a nod to Frankenstein author Mary Shelley’s birthday coming up August 30th.

Hellmaster is so transparently a ripoff that you’re likely to wonder if it was supposed to be a parody. It sounds less like a stand-alone theatrical release and more like a random horror franchise you’d make up within a fictional world – if we told you Abed from the old TV series Community was a big fan of Hellmaster, you’d swallow that without hesitation. But no, they were unfortunately serious about it, and with the IMDB rating of 2.7 and DISMAL comments there, it seems this movie is a derivative mish-mosh of other, better horror movies. The plot: John Saxon was a mad biochemistry scientist committing atrocities before somebody snuffed him, so he’s back 20 years later for revenge, using his “Nietzsche drug” formula to inject people and turn them into his mindless zombie slaves; a psychic and a news reporter try to stop him.

Didn’t that sound corny? However, as is typical for a clunker flick, the worst movies make for the best trailers. This trailer, with a phoned-in voice-over, manages to pile on enough crazy that you think it must be an interesting film. There’s a scary nun, a crossbow, a doctor who uses a syringe set rigged to look like Freddy Kruger’s claw-glove, dangling puppet-corpse, creepy zombie kid, a bunch of tombstones in a classroom (bet that’s a dream sequence), a zombie cop with a trick baton, and even a stab at Suspiria with a zoom shot down a Fruity-Pebbles hallway with a colorful spiral at the facing wall. Take the horror section of a 1992 Blockbuster, run it through a blender, and the first glass you pour off is this movie.

As a Bonus Buck, here’s a clip from the film. It showcases why this movie isn’t cherished by a cult following. Bad acting, dumb dialog, bad production, and a scene shot in what looks like a dump. Frustratingly, the clip cuts off just when it might get interesting, but this is what we have to work with when we can hardly scare up a review.

http://www.penguinpetes.com/

Writer, artist, prophet, cult leader. Take good care of my memes. I’ve raised them since they were daydreams.

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